I've not written about what I hope in a long time. I suppose because so much of my life is about meeting the real conditions against the impossibility of what I want. Working out has given me a sense of control over my body, and it has also given me an object to sculpt: myself.
I feel various parts of my body which are quite sore at the moment. My arms, around my underarm, and a bit of my back. I feel really sore around my thighs and areas around my bum, I feel like if I excercise more of these parts, I might sculpt myself into a new body. Will that make me a new person in the way that Mia made me different?
I made a lot of mistakes, and I have paid and am still paying for those decisions. I wonder, however, how much I can change things from now, from today.
Today I did a whole lot of little tasks. A little task in my schedule counts as a half hour task.Often it doesnt really take too long, it consists of reading a journal article, checking if there are any more episodes of star wars and so forth. If one small taks takes 30 mins, I've performed about 26 hours worth today. That includes reading articles on blogs, catching up on news articles from the Guardian and searching jobs. Of course there is a lot more to do, but I'd like to think that I cleared up a good deal of it. Tomorrow I don't intend to go to the gym (I bet I do, though). My intention is to catch up on job applications and those little tasks I've set myself. If i'm lucky, I'll go to the Gym on monday.
Do I feel like my mindset is changing? I'm not sure. Last night I wrote a post to the effect of saying I felt more positive, and then some negative stuff came to my mind: anxiety, regrets, awkwardness and shame. I have lots to do, lots to deal with and I'm always against the clock. I'd like to think however that in an objective sense, I'm getting a fair bit done. It's a stretch to say I'm an overachiever. If you look at my life, I clearly am ot an overachiever. I have a lot to catch up with in my life. It starts with the schedule, and includes the gym.
There are many positives of this week. I'm not good at giving myself a pat on the back without qualifying it with saying 'but there's more to do...', and that part of me always gets the last word!
Pat myself on the back, I did good today.
(but there's more to do...)
I feel various parts of my body which are quite sore at the moment. My arms, around my underarm, and a bit of my back. I feel really sore around my thighs and areas around my bum, I feel like if I excercise more of these parts, I might sculpt myself into a new body. Will that make me a new person in the way that Mia made me different?
I made a lot of mistakes, and I have paid and am still paying for those decisions. I wonder, however, how much I can change things from now, from today.
Today I did a whole lot of little tasks. A little task in my schedule counts as a half hour task.Often it doesnt really take too long, it consists of reading a journal article, checking if there are any more episodes of star wars and so forth. If one small taks takes 30 mins, I've performed about 26 hours worth today. That includes reading articles on blogs, catching up on news articles from the Guardian and searching jobs. Of course there is a lot more to do, but I'd like to think that I cleared up a good deal of it. Tomorrow I don't intend to go to the gym (I bet I do, though). My intention is to catch up on job applications and those little tasks I've set myself. If i'm lucky, I'll go to the Gym on monday.
Do I feel like my mindset is changing? I'm not sure. Last night I wrote a post to the effect of saying I felt more positive, and then some negative stuff came to my mind: anxiety, regrets, awkwardness and shame. I have lots to do, lots to deal with and I'm always against the clock. I'd like to think however that in an objective sense, I'm getting a fair bit done. It's a stretch to say I'm an overachiever. If you look at my life, I clearly am ot an overachiever. I have a lot to catch up with in my life. It starts with the schedule, and includes the gym.
There are many positives of this week. I'm not good at giving myself a pat on the back without qualifying it with saying 'but there's more to do...', and that part of me always gets the last word!
Pat myself on the back, I did good today.
(but there's more to do...)
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