I haven't been up to much today, but most of my day has been taking stock of some tasks that may otherwise put me off the actual tasks of today.
My favourite band has released two new songs. They've really given me a big buzz, not just that but they also remind me of me.
I went for a walk today, I went to the high street to observe people, any shopping deals, and just for some air. I also decided to go outside to wear some clothes. This might sund like a stupid thing to say but I wanted to wear my boots, my shemagh, my sexy black top, and my jacket and jeans. I wanted to go out, and have an appearance; the appearance that I've wanted to show to the world for a long time. I suppose I want to feel attractive in my apearance, but there seems to be something more than that, I felt a sense of self-exploration as I walked down those streets in my big boots and flowing jacket. I felt individuality and I felt like I could be a person that isn't hindered. I dont want to be hindered, I want to embrace the positives of life and hope for a better future.
I listened to those new songs of my favourite band. They have a new album coming out. The last time they released a new album I was in a mental hospital. The band has a special personal significance to me, it may be said.
There was a song that was stuck on repeat while I was in that hellhole, I'll send you a link to it now:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSus9jRxcNs]
I felt my eyes on the verge of tears, my heart on the verge of some personal realisation. Nietzsche says 'some of my best thoughts come from walking'; I certainly think that is the case. I felt a lot of strong feelings as I walked outside. I saw the various people out on the streets, families, single people, young people, old people...suddenly walking down the street made me feel human, even if I was a little bit anonymous
I also went into the recently refurbished library. I thought many different things upon entering this library. There weren't too many academic books, I also felt a sudden realisation that many of the authors I recognised but not necessarily read.
There is a large collection of tamil and hindi literature, which is nice considering the ethnic population of the area. There were some graphic novels, a couple of computer manuals, a 'teach yourself calculus'. Also of interest were audiobooks and dvds, quite a few of them. I think I'll be visiting this library a few more times.
I grew up with that library. It's vastly different to the place of my childhood. I only realised the disparity as I left; I was once there as a boy, and now, as a man I am entering a new and strange place. I am the nice friendly man in the library. I bet if I bumped into myself as a child there and he didn't know me, he'd call me sir. If I didn't know who he was, I'd smile and feel awkward. I'm not too used to talking to unfamiliar children, also I fear that their parents might think I'm a paedo, everyone is afraid of kids and paedophiles these days such that just having an interest in chidlren and an investment or interest in their futures seems weird. That's sad, very sad.
I shall apply for a library card. The library will be my place of refuge, and I might look for some graphic novels, audiobooks and other interesting literature while I am up there. Finally, I have a place in my local area that I will enjoy going to. I like the idea of libraries; its a very humbling and equalising place. I saw many migrants there reading elementary books on english, many people who want to educate themselves to better their literacy and numeracy. That's noble especially for older adults who may have had a vastly different kind of education and upbringing to myself. There was a nice mix of ethnic groups, a real sense of community without the dilution of people being sick all the time (like in a hospital) or wanting to buy something (a shop). The place was a community hub in the nicest possible way. It's quite a new concept to me.
I've also observed that it is incredibly cold lately. Maybe its just me, as it hasn't snowed in ages and it should be spring any time now.
I'm going to look forward to the library visits. Especially the audiobooks!
My favourite band has released two new songs. They've really given me a big buzz, not just that but they also remind me of me.
I went for a walk today, I went to the high street to observe people, any shopping deals, and just for some air. I also decided to go outside to wear some clothes. This might sund like a stupid thing to say but I wanted to wear my boots, my shemagh, my sexy black top, and my jacket and jeans. I wanted to go out, and have an appearance; the appearance that I've wanted to show to the world for a long time. I suppose I want to feel attractive in my apearance, but there seems to be something more than that, I felt a sense of self-exploration as I walked down those streets in my big boots and flowing jacket. I felt individuality and I felt like I could be a person that isn't hindered. I dont want to be hindered, I want to embrace the positives of life and hope for a better future.
I listened to those new songs of my favourite band. They have a new album coming out. The last time they released a new album I was in a mental hospital. The band has a special personal significance to me, it may be said.
There was a song that was stuck on repeat while I was in that hellhole, I'll send you a link to it now:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSus9jRxcNs]
I felt my eyes on the verge of tears, my heart on the verge of some personal realisation. Nietzsche says 'some of my best thoughts come from walking'; I certainly think that is the case. I felt a lot of strong feelings as I walked outside. I saw the various people out on the streets, families, single people, young people, old people...suddenly walking down the street made me feel human, even if I was a little bit anonymous
I also went into the recently refurbished library. I thought many different things upon entering this library. There weren't too many academic books, I also felt a sudden realisation that many of the authors I recognised but not necessarily read.
There is a large collection of tamil and hindi literature, which is nice considering the ethnic population of the area. There were some graphic novels, a couple of computer manuals, a 'teach yourself calculus'. Also of interest were audiobooks and dvds, quite a few of them. I think I'll be visiting this library a few more times.
I grew up with that library. It's vastly different to the place of my childhood. I only realised the disparity as I left; I was once there as a boy, and now, as a man I am entering a new and strange place. I am the nice friendly man in the library. I bet if I bumped into myself as a child there and he didn't know me, he'd call me sir. If I didn't know who he was, I'd smile and feel awkward. I'm not too used to talking to unfamiliar children, also I fear that their parents might think I'm a paedo, everyone is afraid of kids and paedophiles these days such that just having an interest in chidlren and an investment or interest in their futures seems weird. That's sad, very sad.
I shall apply for a library card. The library will be my place of refuge, and I might look for some graphic novels, audiobooks and other interesting literature while I am up there. Finally, I have a place in my local area that I will enjoy going to. I like the idea of libraries; its a very humbling and equalising place. I saw many migrants there reading elementary books on english, many people who want to educate themselves to better their literacy and numeracy. That's noble especially for older adults who may have had a vastly different kind of education and upbringing to myself. There was a nice mix of ethnic groups, a real sense of community without the dilution of people being sick all the time (like in a hospital) or wanting to buy something (a shop). The place was a community hub in the nicest possible way. It's quite a new concept to me.
I've also observed that it is incredibly cold lately. Maybe its just me, as it hasn't snowed in ages and it should be spring any time now.
I'm going to look forward to the library visits. Especially the audiobooks!
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