deja vu

I had a series of thoughts just now that i felt that I had had exactly about 5-10 months ago. I do not find it assuring. I was thinking to myself:

I'll take these books downstaris to clear up the room
Objection: If I take it down I might not be as motivated to continue working on the proposal
That's the way it is if you are living with the parents
Have I had these thoughts before?
I guess it would be different if I lived back home again, I'd hate it.
If I were in this situation at home writing a proposal Id have even less of a chance than I did now (now being indexical to about janurary)

This isn't good, getting repeated thoughts exactly foreshadowing my life now

my brother called. asking me personal questions about how I am post break up. Didn't really wanna talk to him about my personal life. I think he's going out with his ex girlfriend. That sounds funny, cos I might be closer to my ex. He said it's good that we are still friends. I still have begrudging resentment and a sense of betrayal. but we are still on speaking terms.

I wish I could do more with this proposal but tongiht I am just frazzled. I'll continue tommorow, as much as I hate giving up right now, my concentration has finished.