I am now aware, painfully so, of my situation. I say that in a way that is not the first time that I am aware; but now I see it as a 'phase' of my life in the same way that it is now a part of my present and distant past. It has nearly been a year. The worst year in my life, in fact. I often think to myself things like 'it was at this time last year that I ....' and this phase that began in September is now slowly turning into a year. Today I wrote a script for my talk on thursday, I made plans to drive when I go to see my parents, I have been insured on my girlfriend's car for a week for when we go camping, with the unusual pressure of me having to drive on the motorway on my own.
I also booked a ticket, sorted out a bill to pay, cleaned the carpet, took some pictures of things I want to sell on eba, prepped my room so that it is not only reorganised but better suited to prepare myself for when I get to move out. I feel that I want to get out of this place, this flat, this situation, this council tax bill, this landlord, and this room and phase of my life as soon as I can. I know it will be a few months but I can do things to proactively escape it.
Also: how am I going to raise £2.5k for the council tax? I'm screwed; the council said that the Landlord, not I am culpable for the bill, but I am laid the responsibility of paying it (viz my landlord). If the council thinks that the landlord is culpable they won't say I'm liable for the council tax benefit or reduction, DESPITE THE FACT I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT ANYWAY. This is the situation I made for myself, because I assumed I would be good enough and able enough and was doing well enough in my essays to do a PhD at the university that I spent 4 years in.
During this period of my life a lot of assumptions have come into question and I have lost a lot of confidence in myslef, I have felt that a big part of me has been destroyed, but I try to focus not on that thought and morn but to continue and strive to make things work out. It's not been easy at all. I hope tomorrow will be a brighter day. I find that the summer sun in the morning cheers me up.
I also booked a ticket, sorted out a bill to pay, cleaned the carpet, took some pictures of things I want to sell on eba, prepped my room so that it is not only reorganised but better suited to prepare myself for when I get to move out. I feel that I want to get out of this place, this flat, this situation, this council tax bill, this landlord, and this room and phase of my life as soon as I can. I know it will be a few months but I can do things to proactively escape it.
Also: how am I going to raise £2.5k for the council tax? I'm screwed; the council said that the Landlord, not I am culpable for the bill, but I am laid the responsibility of paying it (viz my landlord). If the council thinks that the landlord is culpable they won't say I'm liable for the council tax benefit or reduction, DESPITE THE FACT I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT ANYWAY. This is the situation I made for myself, because I assumed I would be good enough and able enough and was doing well enough in my essays to do a PhD at the university that I spent 4 years in.
During this period of my life a lot of assumptions have come into question and I have lost a lot of confidence in myslef, I have felt that a big part of me has been destroyed, but I try to focus not on that thought and morn but to continue and strive to make things work out. It's not been easy at all. I hope tomorrow will be a brighter day. I find that the summer sun in the morning cheers me up.
No comments:
Post a Comment