Monday, March 23, 2009

I cannot be eloquent (or even comprehensible) when busy

I have been visibly upset on a few occiasions when I was with Antonia this weekend. I think that it is becoming clear to some (including myself), that my upset is starting to unveil itself. I apparently have been hiding this sense of upset even from myself. I have been having increasingly distressing and upsetting dreams.

Most of the dreams involve a sense of failure and rejection. I want validation. I long so much to get into those two universities that I have not heard back from yet, but I have a suspicion that my dream has died. Staying in this state where I do not know, hopeful, yet suspicious of failure is quite a toll on my psyche.

Today I recieved a letter saying that I have a court order to pay my council tax from last year. I think I sorted out this situation on the day this letter was sent to me, so I need confirmation that this letter is an empty threat. I have called the council taxation department just a moment ago, and since coming back to my flat I have called them. They had told me that they will do the motions to exempt me from this situation.

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