cord cutting

i feel like I have been crying, I feel a strange sense of catharsis, I had an emotional talk with Antonia today. She got into university and I'm happy for her, she never did an undergraduate degree and she is chuffed, she later found anger that she is entering an offer for a foundation degree and i told her to be happy what she got an offer for.

As a window for her opens, a door in my life is casting the last remnants of light to nothing. I was emailed on my university email to tell me that I am no longer a registered student of that department, so I am getting termineted. That made me feel small, it also made me feel like i did something wrong by having an enjoyment of getting emails from the university as if I were still there. This email cancellation is, I suppose, a good time to close a chapter of my life. This is the kind of closure that I think is good for me. My life in this city is slowly drying up, and I am growing up.

I hope a new chapter opens for me, a new university, and a revitalised desire and longing. As I think of it more, I long for an offer from a university to study again. I am running out of luck, or perhaps I realise that I lost it ages ago..