Dear Diary,

This Friday I booked off work. I planned to watch the Eternals film. I wonder if its really worth it with the poor reviews. I would like however to have a nice posh breakfast at a cafe where I don't think about anything.

Last weekend I was exhausted and I had a massive sleep and logging and other debt of things to catch up on. It's tuesday 6am and I'm still working on that debt of things to catch up on. I feel like I did a big chunk of it. The week before I went to Comicon. It was a spectacular experience, but I got the flu and I still don't feel fully recovered from it. The week before was my best friend's wedding. The days and weeks are moving too quickly. I think sometimes about how much I can get done in a day. About 6 years ago I used to have this view that everything I'd do was meaningful and a definition of success was that I filled my time with things.

Now at 35 I have so many things I could do there literally isn't enough time in the day. It's not that my time matters.  Of course that's true. It seems like my time matters so much I'm constantly stretched in terms of my mental ability to cope or be prepared for things. I think if I had more downtime, time to breathe and such, I'd be more able to cope. 

I lost a bit of weight during comicon but I fear I've gotten it back. Part of my problem is that I'm behind on logging days. If I had better more hygienic logging practices for my myfitnesspal, I'd be more on top of my plan to have a regular caloric deficit. 

How about a review of the Monday-Tuesday waking period I had just now. 

1. Full day of work (good)
2. too tired for gym (not good)
3. rested after work (good)
4. had a takeaway at midnight (probably not good)
5. Caught up not only with work but also non priority reading (good)
6. Catching up with non-priority reading will mean I can get ahead with other tasks
7. I'm working on a high importance project with a group of people beyond my industry

Other tasks I want to do:

Audit my savings (important to get to 70k savings)

Write up fro comicon for newsletter

Prepare reading the Alien guide book. I've been invited to a virtual RPG game (I'm getting into RPGs now)

Find time to maintain my bike goddammit

Vacuum my room

Okay now i'm just saying stuff that really needs to get done.

Honestly I feel like I just want to rest and wait until I feel I'm recovered and able to face the world. But I keep resting and resting and that time doesn't come. When I rest too much My mind goes to places I try to avoid. I think about November 2006 and the bad memories. It's getting close to the anniversary and...I've tried a lot to move on from that time in my life. 

I was talking to a friend over the weekend and she said to me that people like her and me want to be the kind of support to others that we never had in our hard times.