Dear Diary,

This Tuesday passing I attended a funeral.

I am quite sad about it. I'm 32 and I feel the passing of time. I have been looking back without being able to look at the present or look at the future.

I left the funeral early and walked home. It was a long walk and raining. But I had thoughts and it helped to walk. I couldn't stay in the funeral for too long as it upset me so much.

The family were loving and kind. Aunty Marie was one of a kind. Aunty Marie left behind 6 of her wonderful daughters shome of whom in turn have kind daughters themselves.

It was a matrilineal family in that the father died young, as her father and mother died young. Aunty Marie's life was hard with early bereavements. It brings me to my knees how much love she had.

Her funeral was well attended. I hate saying this but I think other people in that group today would not have had such an attendance. The reason being is that Aunty Marie was the best of us.

I had a bit of a religious moment when at the mass. I connected with my culture, my heritage and myself through the Church service. I've been thinking about this for a while but I think I should go back to church more. I'll do it quietly. Not advertise it. My sense of faith is my own. Faith is something I'm beginning to respect. Aunty Marie had such a hard life but she still had much love. I believe this love came from her belief in salvation.

Separate to this week's funeral I have been also thinking about how broken I am .I'm convinced that Catholic Christianity is a religion for and of scoundrels. Scumbags, and people who need to and have changed their ways.

I might need to start praying again.