i've allocated some time on my schedule to write therapeutically on this blog and consider some new years resolutions. The past year of 2009 has not been the best for me, but I feel a sense of resolve that things will get better for me. Just now I purged. I made myself vomit after eating too much. The vomit was quite thick, it makes me feel tired after purging and I also could smell some stella artois in the lining of my stomach fluids (presumably from that one beer I had yesterday).
I would almost say today was uneventful; however, I managed to pull my socks up a little bit later than usual and schedule the next few days. I have a problem of setting too many tasks for myself against not getting enough done. My current appraoch wants to get as much that i've already set myslef done; while doing a few more new tasks, such as applying for universities. The next month will definately be busy, and I hope that it pays dividends. The further I am from 2008 september the better. Those events have been almost frozen in my mind and almost all of my behaviour. I want to embrace a change and that involves at times a conscious effort on the things that I would allow myself to think about, not to mention the things that I choose to let upset me.
While I have had some sexual difficulty in the loss of my libido from the meds, I have also experienced very powerful orgasms. I dohnt know much about brain science but I do feel things are changing in my head. Those powerfule antidepressant orgasms are really good but hard to achieve. I think that I am quite addicted to them, which can be a problem fro me if i want to get out of bed. Tomorrow really starts the busy-ness. My parents were away for most of the day and so I've had the oppurtunity to lay about and masturbate. I also had the chance to purge.
The christmas holiday period is well and truly over. It's the day after new years day and holiday mode is over. Back to work as they might say. I'll try to use my paper diary more.
Oh I almost forgot, I wrote this post with the intention to state resolutions. Here is a list that I am spontaneously making up:
1. Keep up the excercise routine
2. Keep trying to improve yourself, and learn
3. Try not to be lazy and fall into all-too-familiar negative frames of thinking: listlessness, food gluttony, too much comfort, doing the minimum, and make excuses for not doing your very best
4. have some fun, within the confines of the schedule
5. try to get a job and a place to live; or get on a university course...
I would almost say today was uneventful; however, I managed to pull my socks up a little bit later than usual and schedule the next few days. I have a problem of setting too many tasks for myself against not getting enough done. My current appraoch wants to get as much that i've already set myslef done; while doing a few more new tasks, such as applying for universities. The next month will definately be busy, and I hope that it pays dividends. The further I am from 2008 september the better. Those events have been almost frozen in my mind and almost all of my behaviour. I want to embrace a change and that involves at times a conscious effort on the things that I would allow myself to think about, not to mention the things that I choose to let upset me.
While I have had some sexual difficulty in the loss of my libido from the meds, I have also experienced very powerful orgasms. I dohnt know much about brain science but I do feel things are changing in my head. Those powerfule antidepressant orgasms are really good but hard to achieve. I think that I am quite addicted to them, which can be a problem fro me if i want to get out of bed. Tomorrow really starts the busy-ness. My parents were away for most of the day and so I've had the oppurtunity to lay about and masturbate. I also had the chance to purge.
The christmas holiday period is well and truly over. It's the day after new years day and holiday mode is over. Back to work as they might say. I'll try to use my paper diary more.
Oh I almost forgot, I wrote this post with the intention to state resolutions. Here is a list that I am spontaneously making up:
1. Keep up the excercise routine
2. Keep trying to improve yourself, and learn
3. Try not to be lazy and fall into all-too-familiar negative frames of thinking: listlessness, food gluttony, too much comfort, doing the minimum, and make excuses for not doing your very best
4. have some fun, within the confines of the schedule
5. try to get a job and a place to live; or get on a university course...
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