It's that important time for all Christians. There is a little part of me which wants to be religiously observant. I also don't want to make a big deal of it either in the sense of not being all showy-offy about it.
I've still not heard from the powers that be that determine my fate (the universities). I'm feeling a bit like a limp cock at a gangbang at the moment; everyone is active and has a bit of a life, while with myself on the other hand: I am not doing anything with my life. I'm going to see Antonia tomorrow and that should be fun.
I'm preparing some things for when I return to my parent's place. I'm trying my best not to be angry at them, it is quite a trial sometimes. I'm learning that the things left unsaid are often worse when they are eventually and inevitably brought up. Why is it that everyone wants to flay stuff at me when they are angry, especially when its not relevant to what they are angry about?
I feel like a part of me is shutting down inside. I do not mourn its loss, there is a part of me that is scared that my aspirations will never be met. I am feeling a push of limiting my expectations, as if that is what everyone else does, so I should do the same. I feel my individuality is not respected here, and the values pertain not to success or individual aspiration or eminence, but this pre-set set of values about working, complaining about the weather, eventually working one's way to a mortgage, owning a car, having a job, getting married, having kids, having financial security, and meeting the same people every so often, and if its just a bit longer, one can look forward to it a bit more. Oh, and lets not forget television series and seasonal television like the football.
Another part of me wants to survive, socially, and intellectually. I have some coping strategies to keep my mind intellectually working and stay unique. I listen to a lot more classical music, play piano and listen to lots of podcasts. I hope to hear from the university soon. Either decision I will feel locked in this horrid world.
I've still not heard from the powers that be that determine my fate (the universities). I'm feeling a bit like a limp cock at a gangbang at the moment; everyone is active and has a bit of a life, while with myself on the other hand: I am not doing anything with my life. I'm going to see Antonia tomorrow and that should be fun.
I'm preparing some things for when I return to my parent's place. I'm trying my best not to be angry at them, it is quite a trial sometimes. I'm learning that the things left unsaid are often worse when they are eventually and inevitably brought up. Why is it that everyone wants to flay stuff at me when they are angry, especially when its not relevant to what they are angry about?
I feel like a part of me is shutting down inside. I do not mourn its loss, there is a part of me that is scared that my aspirations will never be met. I am feeling a push of limiting my expectations, as if that is what everyone else does, so I should do the same. I feel my individuality is not respected here, and the values pertain not to success or individual aspiration or eminence, but this pre-set set of values about working, complaining about the weather, eventually working one's way to a mortgage, owning a car, having a job, getting married, having kids, having financial security, and meeting the same people every so often, and if its just a bit longer, one can look forward to it a bit more. Oh, and lets not forget television series and seasonal television like the football.
Another part of me wants to survive, socially, and intellectually. I have some coping strategies to keep my mind intellectually working and stay unique. I listen to a lot more classical music, play piano and listen to lots of podcasts. I hope to hear from the university soon. Either decision I will feel locked in this horrid world.
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