Antonia; a miracle (too late?)

What is it that attracts me to single mothers? I came across (pun intended...) this lovely lady recently. Antonia is amazing for so many reasons;

1. She owns a business
2. She is beautiful and perfect
3. She has a wonderful emotional attitude
4. She has an interesting intellectual approach- not sure I approve of the things she believes, but she's open minded (something I need more of)
5. She has become very enamoured by me

Antonia said she would like to have sex with me; of course, she says its my choice, and that she doesn't ind being just friends; although she suggested that we could become lovers. She said it would be difficult for her NOT to fall in love with me; she said she finds my body sexy; she likes my lips, my hair, my skin. She told me that she fantasised about kissing me, holding me, being held by me, and other things that, to her admission, made her feel sexual.

I've told her that I'm a virgin, I've never kissed anyone, never had a relationship, have problems with anxiety, and I've told her about Marie.

Antonia seems to be very accomodating; and very very sensual; she does massage, yoga, tantric stuff...my goodness, she is simply amazing....

....but she isn't Marie...

It just isn't fair; a few months ago no one gave a shit about me. Now, I know the perfect girl who I have a tainted connection to, and a Goddess knocks on my door for my heart...I know some of you might envy that. But I must be sincere to both. I cannot just enjoy sex and emotional connections willy nilly; I will be hurting both if I 'play'.

I often thought what i would do in such situations; my answer was: have none of them.

I think I will do a vow of chastity for the new year. That's my resolution. I think that will make me feel more assured; having a no-sex, no-love policy decided for me already...well, Romantic love; anyway.

More things to say from me...

1. Talking to Marie this week
2. Radio interview for depression