Okay. I've told you about the girl who gave me her number. Let's call her Marie. Then there is another girl who has wanted to go out with me for a long time but never actually planned anything. Lets call her Claire.
Marie found out about my mental illness, and she also found out about the support group I run on the internet. Marie told me she also feels lonliness, fatigue and and sadness. Now she has opened up to me in a way I am not sure what to do. I feel I have to help her, I must do what I can to help her get through this difficulty. The irony is that she also hides behind a mask, like I do, in social interactions.
So Marie seems to have opened up to me. I have opened up to her. But does she want anything more from me? I don't know. I feel increasingly drawn to her, increasingly enamoured by her presence, her feelings, her interests, her attitude, her views...I wonder how she feels about me!
So while all this happens, Claire asks me out! I thought it is just coffee and a chat, then life is normal again; but she wants to go to the museum and see exhibits!! I'm not so sure about Claire; she's really imposing and touchy and calls me affectionate things, that's nice and all, but she doesn't have the gentility and sweetness that Marie does...
Marie is constantly in my thoughts, and I feel horrible that she is going through such difficulty. I wish I knew what to do for her.
On another note; I have not lost enough weight. I've lost some, but not as steep as the gradient I am used to. I'm not purging enough, it seems.
I have been feeling like shit, too, by the way. This whole ordeal with girls is complicating my already difficult life. Marie is so beautiful; she blows your mind. It is tragic she is in such pain.
My life sure feels like a soap opera! The bloggosphere is more fun with reality than it ever is with fiction.
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