Without my bike

I feel immobile. I feel the issues in my life piling up. I see my weight gain. I realise I'm not living the way I could. I realise my sleep is off. I'm eating junk. I'm underperforming at work. I'm underperforming in life. There's a hole, a God shaped hole maybe? or a bike shaped hole.

T is getting into religion a lot. Like, really a lot. It's ...odd.

I'm coming to the realisation that at 35 I'm possibly over the half way point of life. It's downhill from here. It's slow physical decline. Or rapid physical decline if I'm even less lucky. In my 2020-2021 diary I'm over the half way point. I've just started my 2021-2022 diary though. Begun on 1 July. I'm trying to fill out a day to a page. I have more than enough to fill out 2-3 pages a day, but that is also good because there was a lot from my 2020 where I didn't really fill it in. I think that's more because I had a 2020 diary already at the time and also...anyway I'm meandering.

I haven't been to the gym for a few days. I haven't had my bike back. I'm a bit lost. I'm just trying to hold it together. Can I think of some positives?

Tomorrow (or later today), I'm due to meet HR. Thursday and or Friday there's a work dos which I may attend. If I had my bike. I properly started my day at 1459 yesterday and I've been almost all cylinders firing until 0405. This may be not only the most active I've been but the most consistent. I can't really tell. The past 10 days have been a blur. 

I need to do more therapeutic writing. I have so many thoughts and so many things to express and nobody to speak to. I speak to a lot of people at work but its always so formal and direct and specific. 

I better go to bed. I have lots of work for Wednesday.