Dear Diary,

Lets start off with 3 things I have gratitude for:

• I love my mum and dad
• I am in good health, I have knee issues but I think I'm as good as I can be
• I am well liked at work and mostly in social life. Not including my brother and sister's family

-----------

It's 1:30 am on a sunday night/monday morning. Today I woke up and properly got out of bed around midday. I went to the gym. I have a ritual of training at the gym. I'm hitting 5000kcal while training. It is an extreme amount of exercise but I really like it, its essential to my process and I  am getting cut (or as cut as possible) for MCM comicon. I have an aquaman outfit. 

Which leads on to some of the things I wanted to discuss. Gosh this alienware really feels good when I'm typing. It's been a long time since I've typed in extended prose. I really miss it. I miss writing essays, self expressing or any kind of extended form of expression. Even instant messaging is direct and to the point these days. 

I got my hair done to look like aquaman. I have an aquaman outfit. My gym instructor said that people are secretly talking about my hair (all good things) but they evidently haven't brought it up with me directly. They were saying how lovely and gorgeous it is. 

Lets talk about some other things. On the magazine I work on, my boss has moved on, he's moved to work on Fashion. I'll miss him dearly. I have a new boss on the magazine now, he was actually a junior editor 2-3 years ago and so everyone knows and loves him. It feels like a homecoming in some ways but in others, I have felt a bond with Priya that I won't have with anyone else. 

Some other things at work: 2 of of my bosses are away and I'm acting like the boss. I'm not officially the boss but I've apparently taken charge. In addition, some of my decisions as 'cartoon editor' have made a real impact and are being recognised. I feel like I'm getting somewhere with that.

Does it all matter though? I could lose my job and all of the things I've achieved, all the reputation I have will not mean much. In the outside world, it doesn't really mean so much to work in an international news organisation, an infographics and design team and under the managing editor as well as being a cartoon editor. 

I've been going to the gym after work, I've been so worn out that I've not been able tdo my logging, relax or anything else of my usual routine. I have been trying to go to a plant based diet. It is important to try and explore a plant based diet. I did a boo boo and didn't eat plant based today. 

One of my friends is having a little one with another one of my friends. Another friend has a 5 years old and another of my friends works as a software developer for astrophysics. One friend is a whitehall personal secretary. Isn't it odd how they have all grown up? Have I grown up? I still live with mommy. Mom's health has taken a bad turn in recent months. I get worried sick about her. I get worried sick about dad. Mum has arthritis and now uses a stick. They are both nearing 70. They mean everything to me. Perhaps because I don't really have anyone or anything else in a deep way. 

Pink Tedy has been arrested due to protesting. PT is part of that XR business which has been affecting my decision to go plant based. Hearing all that stuff about what's really going on with the climate disaster (the officialTM name of it) is affecting my thinking.

My eye problems continue but they aren't progressing. 

Let's talk about an anniversary of the past. Around this week 9 years ago, I was offered my first job job. Working as an events assistant in high profile events. I still think about those days, it was only a short period of about 2-3 years where most of the events experience happened, I didn't work there much from 2014 onwards.  It's all changed since then from when I was in my last shifts. I think that working the last shifts made me realise the value of real work, not sitting on a computer and having a fancy coffee machine. I stood on my feet for up to 15 hours on some days and I had to work with people I would not necessarily be friends with and we all had to make it work.

I'm glad I got that job. I know that back then my friends were already successful and I was not. I know that back then I was earning a pittance. I would think back in those days about reading a men's health magazine and look at some lifestyle thing, I'd think about what life might be like if I worked full time and do things like have after work drinks and go out to concerts. I'm doing some of that now. 

One thing I realised this week. Back when I worked as an events assistant I'd fantasise about having things like Loake brogue boots or fancy smart clothes. I tried doing things like that for a bit. If I'm honest, it doesn't seem as fun and sexy in real work, because it's heavy and difficult to walk in. I dress for comfort. Also on the subject of shoes: I always go to the gym after or during work, which means that wearing my running shoes is much more convenient than having to swap out smart shoes. As such, those Loake brogue boots don't seem as glam as they used to. 

How my life has changed...

I should try to go to bed. There's lots of things, open tabs that I could pay attention to, but perhaps its just better to sleep.

Good night friends. 

I am feeling good for once. I don't just post about when I'm sad.