I always believed in having glorious endings to significant stages of my life. Glorious endings to college, unviersity and grad school. What happened normally was that it ended up like a dud firework. At the end of college, I went to the pub, a wetherspoons, the same pub that we have since 2004, been going to for every reunion.
After my undergrad degree, I had a calm and reserved graduation. I was not happy with my result, but not unhappy that I got into a masters. After the masters, I didn't even go to graduation. I decided to 'wait' and withhold my celebration until i really had reason to celebrate my achievements. Since then, I felt that I have even less of a chance that that day will come.
Yesterday, my old friend from university invited me out for a drink. I went to an old haunt, in fact, the pub where I met Marie, and the next door pub was the first society event I ever went to, a discussion group it happened to be.
As I went through the old university premises; I remembered the last days I passed through. I did not care to remember every memory. I felt sadness and regret as I paced through those roads, I felt that I regret my nulled friendships, I regret chasing after Marie, I regret being so erratic and having little dedication to the things that mattered.
I passed the library and saw that it had been refurbished. It looks really good now. Exactly a year ago it was undergoing repairs, I went there from time to time to get a few dozen books to complete my dissertation.
Around this time last year I was looking for a new flat.
I want to go to counselling again.
My friend Alan who I went out with last night, noted that I am different as a person now. I am reserved, I do not talk as quickly, I have less 'physical tics' and I have a less energetic personality.
A friend once said that this was presumed to be a reaction or anxiety mechanism to appear so extraverted.
My girlfriend is a bit pissed off at me today for not visiting her. I was at her house since monday and came back yesterday afternoon. I need to do stuff in the house, like apply to jobs. She has enough hands to look over her.
I'm soon to move out of this flat and the city of my unviersity, I stayed here to resolve my 'failings', I ended up fucking up my life even more. I stayed in the city and solidified my relationship with my girlfriend, in a sense, this is very opsitive, especially for her. But financially and in terms ofm y life chances, I have ruined a lot of my life in not only the past year, but the preceding year which had a big place in defining it.
I hate you Marie.
After my undergrad degree, I had a calm and reserved graduation. I was not happy with my result, but not unhappy that I got into a masters. After the masters, I didn't even go to graduation. I decided to 'wait' and withhold my celebration until i really had reason to celebrate my achievements. Since then, I felt that I have even less of a chance that that day will come.
Yesterday, my old friend from university invited me out for a drink. I went to an old haunt, in fact, the pub where I met Marie, and the next door pub was the first society event I ever went to, a discussion group it happened to be.
As I went through the old university premises; I remembered the last days I passed through. I did not care to remember every memory. I felt sadness and regret as I paced through those roads, I felt that I regret my nulled friendships, I regret chasing after Marie, I regret being so erratic and having little dedication to the things that mattered.
I passed the library and saw that it had been refurbished. It looks really good now. Exactly a year ago it was undergoing repairs, I went there from time to time to get a few dozen books to complete my dissertation.
Around this time last year I was looking for a new flat.
I want to go to counselling again.
My friend Alan who I went out with last night, noted that I am different as a person now. I am reserved, I do not talk as quickly, I have less 'physical tics' and I have a less energetic personality.
A friend once said that this was presumed to be a reaction or anxiety mechanism to appear so extraverted.
My girlfriend is a bit pissed off at me today for not visiting her. I was at her house since monday and came back yesterday afternoon. I need to do stuff in the house, like apply to jobs. She has enough hands to look over her.
I'm soon to move out of this flat and the city of my unviersity, I stayed here to resolve my 'failings', I ended up fucking up my life even more. I stayed in the city and solidified my relationship with my girlfriend, in a sense, this is very opsitive, especially for her. But financially and in terms ofm y life chances, I have ruined a lot of my life in not only the past year, but the preceding year which had a big place in defining it.
I hate you Marie.
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